More Aimless Complaining

I see posts at random intervals on tumblr from artists showing piles of sketchbooks in answer to the question ‘How do I get better quicker?”, explaining that the one and only way is to just draw. A lot. Do sketches, do studies, draw from life, play with composition, fill up piles of sketchbooks.

If you don’t think I find those posts frustrating…well, I find those posts really frustrating. Because I know it’s true. It’s what teachers have told me since I have been doing art. And I’m at this place where I’m really unsatisfied with my progress and I have multiple areas in which I am desperate to improve, and I want to just draw all the time and work on all the things that are giving me problems and I just can’t because my hand keeps deciding to stiffen up on me.

I am doing better these days, mostly. I'm able to draw a lot more and that makes an immense difference, and I can mostly compartmentalize my stress. But I can't draw the amount I need to be, which is endlessly upsetting. When I pull out my tablet to work on my latest little project and my knuckles tingle like bugs are traipsing across the skin, and my tendons pull tight and hot and my fingers feel like stiff hot sausages and my wrists pinch and twinge I just want to spend a freaking HOUR drawing and I can't even relax into the right headspace because I'm constantly distracted by aches and burns under my skin I just get really disheartened. 

*sighs deeply* 

On a different note, did you know that the term 'Oh Scissors!' used to be an exclamation of impatience or disgust? I intend to begin using the term liberally. I like it.

I have no clever title title today

Been bickering with an art block this past couple weeks. At one of those places where I'm not as good at anything as I want to be and so things take longer than I want and there are 50 things I could work on but I don't know which one to choose -- should I work on one of the larger pieces that have been poking around my head? If I do I'm devoting a lot of time to one thing, and there are a) lots of smaller things I want to work on and b) a lot of fundament work that I should be brushing up on.

Should I work on some studies? Well, then I'm neglecting the more personal pieces that I have waiting.

Should I work on the little things waiting for my attention? With the little pieces I run into problems with not really knowing what to do with simple layouts and inevitably having them take longer than I want and being more involved for a product with which I'm ultimately undersatisfied. 

The beach drawing from my last post is an example of a quicker piece that still took longer than it should have for a throaway sketch, and has a lot of problems and some style conflicts. This doodle that I made while attempting to try some framing a couple weeks ago is another: 

There are some aspects of the design that came out well but lots more that didn't work the way I wanted them to. And, as with every time I try to do a composition other than one fit to the paper size, I just don't know what to do with my negative space/how to frame my design to fit comfortably onto the paper when I'm not using all of it. 

So, mostly, i go back and forth. I work on personal doodles and small things, I think I should be doing some fan art for the upcoming convention I'm selling at and get frustrated when a style technique I'm attempting falls flat. I work on larger pieces and having problems with my shading/composition/anatomy, and think I should go work on sketches and doodles and get better.  

The worst of it is that I run into the same hesitance to branch out and experiment with style that I had when I was in school, in that the current time I have available to draw is so limited due to my hand problem that I don't want to...I suppose, "waste" it on art that doesn't come to anything. Everything has to be a magnum opus because I can only draw a little at a time, so if I draw something I don't like, that was time I could have spent on something good. It is an awful way to work and leaves me sometimes frozen with indecision. I have some issues I want to work on and what I should be doing is just spending whole days on my weekends experimenting with character design, with color and composition and style and layout...but since I can do one or two sketches at a time right now, and then have to stop for at least a few hours, I squander my time, and worse, put off drawing at all, which is the worst thing I can do. 

But I've been kicking myself in the butt. 

At home I have decided to start a series of people with bikes because I need anatomy and character design practice and I'm crap at vehicles. So I'm doing everything from Vespas to motorcycles to hipster cruiser bikes, accompanied by interesting people. In theory. I'm still on the first one. 

At work, my warmup/lunch project is a present I'm working on for my bestie: A bit of Supernatural fan art featuring Castiel sitting on the Impala (more vehicle practice). I'm trying to go with another looser composition and I'm hoping it works. 

Here's a bit of an in-progress doodle with all my rough lines and rewdraws: 

I'm still figuring out my background. Maybe the beach. Maybe the desert. Something simple. 

Still no word from the lab about how they've discovered that I'm just low on a certain vitamin and as long as I eat cake twice a week I'll have no problems with my hand. 

doodling and waiting impatiently

So, I took a break from the ferris wheel drawing because I was kind of stuck and wanted to just do a bit of a fun study. So, a pose study + summer and desire for the ocean = 

I still can't draw water to save my life and I wasn't using a reference for the ocean so....*cringe* but it was a bit of fun. 

I also have some various silly doodles in my sketchbook that I am working on coloring at home that I may upload later. 

And I did end up trading in the gigantic printer for something more sensible and it's actually pretty great, with a really decent scanner, unlike the big printer. 

....

I got my blood tests on Friday. 

I'm really hoping this solves something. 

Sticky Verge of Summer

Weather is getting abysmally warmer and more humid. 

Going to get my blood tests in about a week. 

Been fighting with color use to the extent that I think I'm about to scrap color layers on a couple of drawings and go back to the um...drawing board. 

I did some sketches, playing with style and character design: 

That's about it for today. 

Art and Heat and Health and Mild Disappointment, not necessarily in that order.

Sooooo I officially found out today that my art for Neil Gaiman's Calender of Tales was not the final selection, when they put up the website. 

I had kind of guessed, since I hadn't heard anything since...what...January? When I was contacted, they were making final selections, and I hadn't heard a thing since. 

But it was still a disappointment. And I find myself feeling petty and petulant which is incredibly immature and unattractive. I mean, the art that WAS selected is lovely. It is. But I still find myself scrolling poutily past Mr. Gaiman's tumblr posts, wanting to not click the 'like' button just on principle, regardless of content. Grow up, already, me. 

Lets see...what else...

It is getting summery in western PA, with 90 degree day and stifling humidity. I don't love it. 

I am going to look into blood test information tomorrow. My nervousness levels are beginning to ratchet up a tad. 

I finished my piece for the 'Let's Draw Sherlock' challenge #2, reinterpretation of a famous work. 
As mentioned previously, after someone else beat me to The Nighthawks, I decided to be daring and do the iconic John and Yoko Rolling Stone cover by Annie Leibovitz. It...came out okay. I had some struggles with it, but I don't hate it. And I love how cuddly the image is. I didn't quite hit the type weight right on the text but...

Currently, as my warmup/lunch art I'm doing something that I intended as a quick doodle but because I always have to put all the detail in everything, decided to do as a high angle shot with lots of detail. I'm hoping I have it in me to make the ground layer somewhat impressionist so I don't spend a year on this stupid drawing. But anyway, it's the consulting detective and his long-suffering blogger on a Ferris wheel. No reason. Thought it'd be a spot of fun. 

I also have one more Doctor Who sketch I'm working on at home but...I'm not sure about the direction I chose with my colors. Hmm. It is a bit garish. (burnt orange and lime green? WHAT was I thinking?) 

Not a lot else new since last posting. I need to start looking for a paper supplier. I need to start looking for an ink supplier. And I need to order sticker and tattoo paper and make some new sticker and temporary tattoo designs. 

And...that's about it. I leave this blog post on an inconclusive ending and go to pout like a six year old some more.