October is a Roller Coaster

I know I missed last week. 

I wanted to have something new to show you. 

I finished a thing but...it's not really that great. It was an old doodle that I wanted to complete and so I did but it is just kind of...I guess the reason I never finished it before is that it wasn't quite working for me then and that didn't change. 

It was an enjoyable exercise. I watched episode after episode of Ghost Whisperer while I worked on it. There were definitely some design things I got out of it because by doing, we learn. But it still isn't that...GOOD. 

Well, here:

I like some of it. But other parts are just off and the overall thing feels off balance and doesn't work, as a whole. 

*shrug* 

Sometimes that happens. 

It's okay. 

If I were really in love with this design concept, or other people were really in love with this design concept, maybe I'd try redoing it. Heck, maybe I still will some day if I'm bored and somehow have time on my hands. But for now I have brushed off my hands and walked away. 

Right now I'm working on another illustration that is determined to give me fits. 

I had an idea while out hiking, the way one does from time to time -- an image that I really liked thought would be a) super beautiful and b) a companion piece to another illustration of mine. But...I don't know if it is because I didn't get around to starting it for a few days while the weather was awful and I was poking around with a bit of silliness that my best friend and I came up with and the idea had lost clarity, or if it is simply one of those times when bringing an image to realization is just a struggle because of lack of skill or a mental block or the wrong approach, but for whatever reason, it is, at this point, a very frustrating project. 

I'll probably open it up and work on it some in a few minutes. 

By which I mean, open it, realize the face is STILL wrong, and delete and hope it is better for the third or fourth time in a row. 

But I won't work on it too long. 

Because I have to get up early.

Because I have a job. 

That's RIGHT. 

Two weeks into unemployment, I was hired by a company that seems REALLY cool. I like the environment, the people seem great, my job duties and the way I'll be working sound great, and i will be getting to do proper design and illustration. 

Yeah.

I am TERRIFIED. 

This is definitely a case of "Tons of people will be seeing my work and I have been a fake all this time and I just KNOW that within a week they will realize they made a huge mistake and they will kick me out unceremoniously and possibly throw things at me'. 

Oh god I'm so scared. It is pretty much everything I was hoping for and I am SO worried I'm going to screw it up.

But also excited. 

Also very excited.